Tic Toc – The Walk

I’m a week away from hitting the Appalachian Trail and I have to say, I’m not ready. I have the equipment and a plan for the logistics part. I have researched the trail and what I will find so far in terms of gradients and shelter locations, as well as resupply points. Check out fdsc. I have taken an inventory of my health and my health needs. I feel like most people would say I’m prepared and I’m going to enjoy the ride. The problem is that I am not prepared for the emotional and mental challenges that await me.

a little about me

The picture above is where I come from, I am a veteran and I am 49 years old, I am a cancer survivor with other health problems, I am overweight and out of shape, I am a husband and father. The last one is the one that is weighing on me. I love my wife and cherish every moment I spend with her. I love sitting with her at dinner time and lying next to her and watching a movie together. I love our conversations and watching her sleep when I wake up before her. I even love his little dog that wakes me up in the middle of the night to go out. I love her and I will miss her very much.

I haven’t been apart from my wife for more than a few days since we got married, seven years in July. The last time I left home for a while I was deployed and had a job to do. This is not the same, I am leaving my wife and home to do something I have wanted to do for years and she is very encouraging. It will be difficult to be away from her and it weighs on me.

Thoughts

These are the thoughts that make me realize that I am not prepared for this journey. I am not prepared for the loneliness I will feel being away from her. I am not prepared to receive phone calls from hundreds or thousands of miles away. I’m not prepared to have an experience and not be able to share it with her by my side. I’m not prepared for the nights when thoughts come to me of stopping and going back to her and I have to make a decision. I don’t look forward to those nights.

For me, the trail is not about scenery and adventure. It’s about leaving some things in the past and pushing myself to the limits, and beyond those limits, to see how far I can go. It’s about becoming a better version of myself and hopefully encouraging others to do the same. It’s about one step and a million steps between where I am now and where I want to be at the end of the journey. It is about sweat, tears and blood that will be left to water the earth as so many have done before and so many since. It’s about connecting with God and seeking His presence and direction for my life. It’s about being a better man for my wife. I’m 10 days away from setting foot on the trail and I’m not ready but I know I’m going to try my hardest not to regret it.

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