I’m just under two weeks away from hiking The Pacific Crest Trail and I’m now officially unemployed and homeless. What do I do with all this free time? My mind is spinning as the mental game begins long before I take my first NOBO steps towards Canada. My birth sign is Aries, so I’m on a constant pulse, I love it. energy, get bored easily and true to the definition of my zodiac, you can be quite impatient and impulsive most of the time. For me, waiting for this epic adventure is somewhat torturous. Am I really ready?
Many hikers, myself included, focus a lot on the physical and logistical aspect of hiking the PCT. But what about the mental aspect? Perhaps there is another layer that we are ignoring. I realized this when the stillness that there was nothing left to do really came over me. I sat quietly staring at my backpack as waves of anxiety began to course through my body. And they didn’t stop. There was no way I could do this for another 12 agonizing days!!
As a former distance runner I learned very quickly SOMEONE You can run a marathon, but only if you learn to approach the 90% of the race that is PURELY mental. The other 10% is getting up, training, doing miles. On race day, keep going; It’s that simple, isn’t it? Ignore the voice in your head that tells you to stop, that it hurts, that it’s too cold or too hot, or that you have to pee! Over and over again the reproachful voice inside our head sounds and to complete a marathon you have to find a way to silence it or befriend it no matter what your emotional state is. So how can I walk marathons back to back for 5 months and stay sane?
What exactly does a mental training plan look like?
I had no fucking idea! So I started by clearing the mental space occupied by my endless to-do list. The musings about my backpack logistics, financial stuff, and everyday life obligations that didn’t go away just because I go for a walk. I forced a hard stop at the top of my 35th run to REI, closed my Amazon browser, and sat in that irritating stillness with nothing to do. No work, no obligations, no loose ends, just Father Time and me. So, I literally started responding to the voice inside my head. I reached out to other hikers on Facebook for support, scrapped my “to do” lists, and decided to create a new one, titled “Self-Care.”
SELF CARE TO DO
- 4 acupuncture sessions (taking care of some piriformis/sciatic problems)
- Thai massage (stretches and calms the mind)
- Sit in nature and listen to meditation music every day.
- Get a pedicure
- Be intentional with your thoughts and respond to the voice in your head.
- Let go of all expectations for yourself and others.
When I dialed the number 3 and felt the sun hit my face. I found myself lying on a patch of grass on Mount Tabor in Portland, Oregon. A blue sky and a cool 65 degrees. Listening to the birds, I felt the wind on my skin and began to visualize every aspect of backpacking. I saw myself elated, tired, sad, scared. I reminded myself of my why and imagined myself in a space where I wanted to give up and then saw myself choosing to move forward. A paraphrased version of Nelson Mandela’s quote from years past appeared in my consciousness:
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but having it and doing it anyway.”
I remembered that feelings are neither good nor bad, they just are. Repeating what my Thai masseuse friend said when she tried to lift my arm, whispering: «Amy, let go of me.» That sentence was much deeper than relaxing my arm and muscles. “Amy, let her go.” He repeated as I tried to release the tension stored in my nervous system. It sank deep into my being. I needed to hear that.
My last pedicure wasn’t out of vanity because I began to see my feet as my vessel, I felt gratitude for what they were about to help me achieve, and I wanted to take care of them. I read a book about the PCT by a pond, pictured my family, my friends, and my life as I know it. I made peace with what is and what is to come by releasing all expectations of myself and others.
Most family and friends don’t understand a hike and it’s easy to get caught up trying to explain it, but the reality is that no amount of explanation will change that. I’ll miss my nephew’s wedding and I have to accept that he probably won’t understand why I can’t leave the Sierra Nevada mountains to fly across the country for a few days.
Feelings are not facts:
The more I practiced this mindset, the more I learned to tame the voice in my head that had been hijacking my brain for the past few weeks, obsessed with the proximity of my start date. I have been forcing myself to feel the discomfort and intentionally letting it flow and then go away. And honestly, it has gotten easier and feels pretty good!
I have allowed the feelings of fear and doubt. I’ve let the worry of how my absence might affect important relationships swirl in my head and touch my heart. I have questioned the decision I have made. Mind games are alive and well. The difference is that I am training my mind to accept it. Instead of resisting these uncomfortable feelings, I invite them in and then gently usher them out. It’s not always easy, especially with a personality that struggles to sit still, but it is possible through intention.
What are you doing to manage pre-trail jitters? How can we learn to harness this energy to get to the starting line?
This website contains affiliate links, which means The Trek may receive a percentage of any products or services you purchase using links in articles or advertisements. The buyer pays the same price they would otherwise pay, and their purchase helps support The Trek’s ongoing goal of bringing you quality backpacking information and advice. Thank you for your support!
For more information, visit the About page of this site.
