Anxiety, keep trying

So, after two days of feeling sorry for myself, I decided to give myself some respite from everything and try to restart again with the expectations of this next iteration of the trail of the Appalaches. It would inevitably become Buggy, hot and a little rainy. I think I just put too much stock to think that New Jersey would be the Savior. When really, I just needed to spend more time resetting correctly. Even with the zero in the Delaware water gap, I did not get so much rest. No, I needed to escape completely.

So today, I walked the 11 miles from the Gren Anderson shelter, and at High Point State Park HQ, where I then took Mosey’s Place, a nearby shelter. Basically it is the only one in New Jersey.

However, today’s walk felt much better, I felt bad to get out of the way so early. He was not so crooked, since he stopped raining earlier in the day, and the rocks actually had the opportunity to dry! So apart from an incident, I was not really slipping and sliding.

However, there were still a lot of mistakes. Which basically meant not to take breaks throughout the day. Every time I stopped me, although I was covered from head to toe in Deet, mosquitoes would instantly begin to swarm every centimeter of my body. And that was even with my low sleeves and a network of errors. I definitely picked up some new snacks last night, and picked up some more today.

Speaking last night … it was not so terrible after the others appeared. I woke up many times due to how hot I was and the need to leave for a second. But I couldn’t take my quilt, not without mistakes affecting me. So, maybe I should spend more time in my store. I need to find out why the floor of the store has been bleeding … although I know there is a hole somewhere.

Anyway, I think I had some visits. Especially just a lot of pods. And suddenly … anxiety for miles.

Today’s decimentula, which would not mean much (after all, I forgot that it was the day of the fallen until I was in the middle of a lot of hikers), until I realized what it meant that we were almost exactly 2 months until my ideal completion date: my birthday. And, after having made the Sava Mathematics, if I do about 100 miles per week, it should be good! But … I’m not going to get to that this week, not to the rhythm I am walking. And most importantly … I wanted to have a little buffer in New Hampshire, knowing that if there was a bad weather, I could simply decide No To walk that day. But out of nowhere, anxiety for miles backed away. I don’t know where it came from. But it’s always there. Mouse mat. Imminent.

So I started having anxiety when I reached the headquarters of the State Park. Will I be fine? Mosey picked me up, and immediately began to ask about these things. She helped me calm a little. Apparently, it took approximately seven and a half weeks from where we were now to get to the end, and as she herself said «I am not a very strong hiker.» So … that helps! I also looked at the progress of some friends when they were arriving in this area, and it seemed to be in rhythm. Some even ended in early August after being here the day I was. So could be okay?

It is as if there were two wolves inside me. Or something. Anyway, Mosey took me home, where I enjoyed a shower, trying to scrub the dubbing in all the snacks that I have accumulated in recent days. And I had the opportunity to dry my things. These two things increased my moral to new levels. I told myself that I was going to work today and I got a bit of blogs made. But honestly, the same thing that happens with most hostel stays happened today, only what to do tasks takes time. Rinsing and drying my tent, taking care of my shoes, the nine whole yards.

Finally, the planet Caravan was also collected. Platinum has been burning the last three days, because «I can’t deal with heat and insects.» So, its goal is to get to New Hampshire, not stay out once. It is probably feasible …

Mosey and I made a trip to Walmart, where I took only some essential elements (I have a lot of food), and then we returned to the shelter, where we made dinner trips. Now I am only writing, waiting for the mileage to work. I am partially waiting for someone, to see if I can walk with them, but to be honest, I am a little fear that they burn when they rest after three easy days, and they have done three normal days. We will see if it works.

(Title lyrics by: Ansiety, Doechii)

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