Handling my AT «Scary Hiking»

Time until hike: 7 days

Have you ever heard of Sunday terrors? In essence, it is the anxiety and fear that builds up at the end of the weekend in anticipation of the upcoming work week. I had never really experienced Sunday terrors before, but I did experience something similar at the beginning of each school semester.

When I was in undergrad through graduate school, I always felt a lot of apprehension and anxiety in the week or two before the school semester. There was no cause or trigger for it. They just crept in. And it wasn’t about anything in particular.

To be honest with you, dear reader, I have been experiencing very similar feelings in the past few weeks leading up to my AT hike.

Scary hiking

I don’t think “fear of hiking” is a real term, but it sure seems appropriate. There is a real feeling of nerves and anxiety before my walk. Again, there is no set trigger for them. They just sneak in and settle for a hot second. Then they leave to return shortly after.

I don’t fear my walk in any way. I’m not even worried about any particular «what ifs» or my safety while hiking. To help express what I’ve been feeling, here are some of my thoughts lately:

• My backpack is too heavy and I don’t know how to lighten it. Other hikers carry much lighter backpacks.
• I’ll probably have to walk in winter conditions. Am I ready for that? It’s me? In fact?
• Lots of people attempt this hike, who am I to think I can be one of the few to actually complete it?
• Why do I think I can do this?

I think all of these thoughts boil down to worrying about having to abandon the hike early. In other words, I will give up. A friend of mine asked me at one point, «So what? What if you need to quit or give up?» Your question is good.

The so what

Logically, quitting smoking or giving up has no consequences. My family and friends have been very supportive on this front. I have been reminded that no one will be angry or disappointed if I don’t make it. I can’t express how much I appreciate that encouragement. There’s just one little «so what» that everyone is missing:

I don’t want to be disappointed. I don’t want to disappoint that inner child.

I would like to tell you that I am all confidence and nerves of steel, but I would lie to you. The closer it gets, the more nervous I am. Maybe that’s natural?

Strategies for my hiking fears

I guess these feelings are just part of the mental/emotional battle associated with preparing for a hike. The next step is to figure out what I’m going to do with them.

My first strategy is to talk about it with people like I’m doing here. If you know me, I have a hard time communicating my emotions. Being open about my nerves is difficult but necessary. Talking it out helps make feelings more manageable.

My second strategy is to remind myself that once I start the hike, the apprehension will (for the most part) go away. That’s what has always happened, even for those pre-semester jitters I had in undergrad or grad school. I am good at handling problems and difficulties of the moment. I will take those skills with me.

My third strategy is to lean into the discomfort. Now is the time to bow. I will continue to pray, I will continue to prepare and I will continue to move forward. I will lean on the fantastic hiking community, my family and friends, and God.

Only 7 days left

I start walking this day next week. Thanks for reading all of these pre-hike blog posts. I promised these blogs would be raw and real about my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual journey. So far I have talked about some of the physical, mental and emotional aspects of my preparation. The spiritual aspect is omnipresent, but we expect a specific post on that later. Until next time, thanks for following us.

And so we continue the adventure….

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