There is no reason to feel depressed right now. Everything has been planned, from the months of gear accumulation, the food and water strategy, the estimated mileage for the first two weeks, even my way of pooping in the wild… Everything has been thought out, recycled and thought about again. Check out DiKyYl. You are ready to do this. This has been the plan for a long time.
So why do I feel so depressed hours before I start the most exciting thing I could ever do in my life?
I put on my fully stocked backpack one last time hours before leaving for the airport just to make sure I felt okay. That’s when Lincoln lost his mind and wouldn’t stop barking at me. It wasn’t the kind of barking a dog makes when excited, but one that comes from distress. He knows what big backpacks mean: he stays and I’m gone for a long time. Even though my girlfriend Stephanie witnessed the ordeal, I couldn’t help but cry. I put down my backpack and hugged my dog for what seemed like a short time.
The scene was repeated in the departure terminal with Stephanie, this time without barking but with the same tearful conclusion.
the gang
My window faced east on my flight from San Francisco to San Diego. I watched California’s 700+ miles of coastline and mountains fly by in just over an hour as we flew south parallel to the PCT.
“It will take me forever to walk through that,” I laughed to myself.
As the plane approached San Diego, it turned east along the Mexican border to finally mark its landing approach, and my perspective changed. Now I was looking at the PCT from the starting point 32,000 feet in the air looking north, I felt like I should be able to see all the way to Canada. No. The path stretched beyond the horizon, bending beneath the curvature of the planet beyond anything I could conceptually understand or make sense of. It was like looking down an endless track. But this track was full of mountains and valleys that stretched on forever.
«Oh shit.» This time I wasn’t laughing.
PCT from the air
You are ready to do this. This has been the plan for a long time, I reminded myself.
CLEEF, the border and the beginning of a journey
I set my backpack down in the designated camping area just outside the outdoor pavilion reserved for prospective northbound PCT (NOBO) hikers (and finishing SOBO hikers). The dust raised by the backpack seemed to stick to everything within reach. I hadn’t done anything yet and it was already dirty, I smiled. I was at CLEEF (Camp Lockett Event and Equestrian Facility), a non-profit organization. which offers PCT hikers lodging and transportation from San Diego via the PCT Southern Terminus Shuttle. I felt like I was on an empty lot, appropriately dirty and expectantly holy.
CLUE!
About 25 hikers took on the task of setting up their tents, all of whom were careful not to be seen glancing at each other’s tents and gear before we were called to the pavilion by the campground managers for a pre-hike pep talk: Papa Bear, One Speed, and Paul. The first two are trail names, the third could be as well. I honestly have no idea.
Most of the hikers settled into chairs, picnic tables, and couches, while others stood next to the hiker boxes (hiker boxes are containers filled with items discarded by hikers, but they can still be of value to others; if it’s in the box, you can take them for free) or the power station with its mess of charging cables and devices we were all using to recharge our batteries.
The energy in the pavilion slowly shifted from nervousness to outright excitement as the managers concluded their presentation. We were about to embark on a journey that had been months, if not years, in the making. There were just a few hours until the start of the PCT. If I could have, I would have started walking right then and there.
It is not unusual to give equal weight to two things that are seemingly opposite to each other. We do it all the time, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Of course, I will miss those who give meaning to my life as I make my way north, and it is also understandable (expected) to be excited to have the privilege of taking such a trip in the first place.
I didn’t expect Experience such a change of emotions in the span of 24 hours. But thinking about it, I couldn’t be more grateful.
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