Embracing this moment, these emotions…

I am less than a week away from taking my first step on the Pacific Crest Trail and the adventure of a lifetime. To say I’m excited is an understatement. But with extreme emotion it is almost all other possible emotionsamplified 1,000 times.

Excitement – Holy shit! I am about to embark on the most adventurous, challenging, beautiful and life-changing hike of my life! I can’t even begin to imagine the incredible views, climbs, mountains, people and experiences I’m about to have. I just know it’s going to be absolutely epic in every way and I just can’t wait to get out.

Fear – That emotion is short-lived when the gravity of this effort slaps me in the face. Will I be okay sleeping alone in nature? Will I be attacked by a mountain lion or bitten by a rattlesnake? What will I do when I inevitably encounter an icy ledge or raging river crossing? Will I accidentally sprain an ankle or pull a muscle? Will there be water in the desert after a drier than normal winter? Will I lose strength and motivation at some point along the way? Am I going to make friends!? Will I fit in with a hiking community? Impostor syndrome also appears. Can I really do this? Have I bitten off WAY ​​more than I can chew? Who the hell do I think I am?

Are all these fears crazy and paranoid? Some, yes. But they are present in my mind. And I honor and acknowledge all of these fears, while reminding myself that I am strong, I am brave, and I will be great. Fears are normal, every living human being has them. But what matters is what you do in the face of fear.

Overwhelmed – Between packing my 1-bedroom apartment into a small storage box, my last few shifts at two different jobs, training, and preparing for the PCT, I have simply felt overwhelmed by an endless to-do list. When I’m not working, training, or packing up my apartment, I’ve been researching as much as possible, watching YouTube videos and channels, and diving headfirst into all things PCT. I haven’t had time to relax; Every waking moment has been spent doing something productive to achieve this goal. Which I feel very blessed and grateful to have this opportunity. Just overwhelmed by how complicated the process is.

Sad – I am packing up my apartment and 12 years of life in San Diego, not sure who I will be or where I will end up after the PCT. And that’s incredibly exciting but also sad. I can’t help but feel like my chapter of life in San Diego is coming to an end. Over the past few weeks, I have cried in grocery stores, said goodbye to familiar faces, had goodbye dinners with friends, and looked at everyday events as final moments: “my last walks to work, my last morning coffees, my last days at the beach,” etc. I have no idea what’s on the other side of the PCT, but I certainly know it’s not life as I know it now. And that is both sad and extremely exciting.

I’m embracing this moment, these emotions, because I know One day I will look back and want to be in this exact moment. again. Feeling these emotions and fears is completely normal and part of the experience.

But I think the moment I set foot on the Pacific Crest Trail for the first time, I hope to feel at ease, at peace, and at home. I will be where I need to be, and the universe and the path will provide it for me.

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