It’s been almost two months since my last day at AZT. I say «last day» because it doesn’t seem like I’m done with my walk. I walked a continuous trail as far as I could go considering the closures in the Grand Canyon, but the end seemed abrupt. It feels like a story whose last chapter was ripped out before I could read it. I know I made the right decision at the time, but I also feel like I want to come back this fall and finish the remaining 100 or so miles. Hopefully the walking part will be finished then. With some space along the way, I think I’m finally ready to reflect on my experiences from last spring.
Did I fulfill my whys?
Before beginning the journey, I set two intentional goals for myself, one physical and one mental/emotional, and both related to the suffering I endured from a back injury last year. Healing my spine was not only a physical effort but also a mental, emotional and spiritual effort. It took a long time. It took a lot of dedicated and thoughtful energy. The injury changed me, at first for the worse but now, finally, for the better.
I completed 700 miles of my second hike, going as far as they would allow me to go, and accomplished all of my goals. I didn’t have a single panic attack, I didn’t have a back pain attack and I feel HAPPY for what I accomplished. I am very grateful for this opportunity. I am so grateful for this body, mind and spirit.
WHY ME
«I want to rewire my psychophysiological response to imagined threats. I want to do things that make me feel a little nervous without panicking. I want to go camping alone in the countryside and feel present, happy and calm.» -Salvia, January 2026
During my first AZT hike in 2024, I struggled with anxiety every night while searching for a campsite and being alone all night. Anxiety has been a long-standing companion, but I have developed so many coping strategies that I can usually overcome it. In 2024, it seriously affected my ability to enjoy my hike. I worked hard enough to complete the trail, but in retrospect, it’s something that has bothered me ever since.
I purposely worked to rewire my mind and body to behave differently before I left for my trip and then every day of my trip. I used some quantum healing ideas to design a path forward and it worked for me. Through meditation, heightened emotions, and intentional decision making, I reorganized my nervous system to not immediately flow into a fight or flight state. While feelings of nervousness will always be a natural feeling for me, I can more rationally judge a real risk versus an imagined one. And more importantly, I confidently believe that I am capable of safely and happily camping alone in the backcountry. I was able to create new patterns, release old emotional stories and move towards real healing.
I can enjoy backcountry camping alone because I am a capable, experienced backpacker who is grounded in the present and comfortable with myself. I am aware of myself and my surroundings. I only need to worry when there is a real threat. If a problem arises, I can fix it. I trust myself.
WHY II
«My body, once strong and reliable, now feels strange and unpredictable. I want to return to the level of physical endurance it once had. I want to fly over mountains. I want my legs to be the logs of muscle they once were. I want to lie exhausted in my tent after a full-day hike and not think about what my body looks like, but instead feel grateful for what it can do… I want proof that I can trust my body again, tangible evidence that it is resilient and capable of taking me wherever I go.» «I choose to go… I want the freedom of the open trail. I want to explore, see, think and feel outside the limits of physical limitations and emotional distress. I want to earn the rush of endorphins at the top of a difficult climb. I want to stand at the top in awe as the endless wilderness unfolds in all directions and be reminded of the immensity of my own capabilities.» -Salvia, January 2026
My body is my body again. I know her, I trust her, and most importantly, I love her again. Now it is reliable and strong. Fly over mountains with legs built like tree trunks and with a soul as light as the breeze. She took me all over the sky islands during the record heat wave, carrying more water than I had ever had to carry. She took me up the Mogollon Rim and across the flat expanse of the Colorado Plateau, hiking farther in one day than I had ever hiked before. And it did so without any significant pain in my lower back or sciatic pain running down my left leg.
Each day now contains a million tangible proofs that my body is capable and resilient. Every mile holds memories of the wonder and awe of the desert and reminders of the immensity of my own capabilities.
My spine is healthy. I am free from pain. I can do all the things I used to do without worry or fear, including long-distance backpacking, yoga, bending over, and all my normal daily activities. I am stronger than ever. I am balanced and flexible. I feel full, free and unlimited. I feel grateful, happy and full of life.
Last minute gear change
I agonized for three days before my hike started over whether I should swap my ULA loop for the Durston Kakwa. I decided to go with Kakwa and I regret it minimally.
It fit all my gear and felt great on my body. It was a little annoying at times as I needed to pack it in a very specific way to fit everything and my food resupply. This may not be what works best for me, as I like to have a little more flexibility with where things go in my backpack.
The most disappointing thing was that one of the hip belt pockets had a hole in it after only 600 miles of use. I only used the pocket for snacks and sunscreen. The hole is along the seam, and I don’t think it was caused by an animal chewing on it or anything else sharp in the desert. I think the stitching failed because it was poorly sewn or there is some defect in the materials used. With seven years and several thousand miles on my ULA circuit, I don’t have a single hole or tear anywhere on that package. I have much more confidence in the design integrity of my ULA backpack.
Peanut Gallery Comments
I want to acknowledge how interesting it was to write a blog for The Trek. I loved having a more formal space to publish my writing and I think this experience enriched my time on the trail. I was intentional and purposeful with my writing, which allowed me to be more introspective about my experiences. I was able to take the time to examine, compile, and analyze many things in my writing. Clearly, I spend a lot of time in my head, but putting it on paper created more clarity for me.
I received some very kind and thoughtful comments from readers who took the time to read my blog. And I received many more comments from people who read only the excerpts included in The Trek Facebook posts: small parts of my experiences on the trail were analyzed and judged by complete strangers. As a first time blogger and on social media. No-Influencer, I was caught off guard by how mean and judgmental people could be with minimal exposure to my writing. In hindsight, I should have expected this because I know what the internet is like.
It’s probably a good first experience to have all kinds of comments on my writing. This brief experience as a Trek Blogger definitely helped me prepare as I plan to continue writing for the public. I am grateful for this experience.
To be continued…
I plan to return to the trail in September to finish the remaining 100 miles. I hope to have a happier experience in Grand Canyon National Park. I haven’t decided which direction I’ll go in yet, but I’ll see how I feel as the time gets closer. A continuous trail north sounds good, but ending back at the South Rim might be a more epic finish in terms of views and physical endurance.
Arizona is where I go when I need time and space to think, feel, and do. It’s my spiritual happy place. My time in Arizona is not over. I’m looking forward to returning at the end of this year.
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