Hold for CDT Hiker – The Trek

• Small update: It’s been a while since I made a blog post. Life has been very busy. Although I was originally planning a SOBO hike, due to the little snow in CO this year, I switched to NOBO.

Final preparation of the trail

I finished packing my resupply boxes on a Tuesday night after work. Working with the packing tape, I carefully pushed both sides of the overflowing boxes, forcing the flaps closed on each one. Once I was convinced my food wouldn’t fall out, I uncapped my marker. In the largest print I could get, since boxes are easier to find when they are identifiable, I scribbled: “Wait for CDT Hiker.”

I will be shipping three boxes before the tour, all to very rural areas of New Mexico. Two where a post office isn’t even an option. Each box is filled with food that I know I like to eat on the go: ramen, beans and rice, honey buns, and lots of snack bars.

hard goodbyes

I’ve been running a lot these last few weeks. Buying plane tickets, checking out gear, and dealing with anything that ties me down to the life I lead outside of the trail. I have given notice of the best job I have ever had. I said goodbye to the wonderful group of friends I made after returning from the PCT. At the end of this month, I’m leaving my cat with my dad and spending some time with him in Minnesota. Obviously, I feel very prepared to embark on the journey, but this time the goodbyes have been more difficult.

My hardest goodbye in 2024 came towards the end of the PCT. I burst into tears on the side of the trail. The life he was going to return to was very different from the life he had left. My previous relationship at home dissolved, I had no job, no close friends, and no place to stay. That all came crashing down when I realized one late August day in Washington. My walk would end soon and I had to say goodbye.

I couldn’t be in a more different situation right now. I feel very lucky to have the opportunity to walk a long trail again. Having a “once in a lifetime” experience twice is something I will always be grateful for. Anyway, I feel like I’m leaving a lot more behind now: a good job, good friends, and a good life. At the end of the PCT I felt like I had nothing to lose, but now I realize I had everything to gain.

From a trail near my house. I am very happy to live in such a beautiful place while being out of the way.

Pre-ride nervousness

Please forgive me as I take you once again to the year 2024: I was scared shitless before the PCT. I couldn’t sleep, it was difficult for me to eat. There was definitely some excitement, but in those last few weeks before starting, it was all nerves. The day before, I was lying on my sleeping mat under a large tent at Scout and Frodo’s house. I was about to do something completely foreign to me. My mind was filled with this uncontrollable panic. Thoughts passed through me in waves: What if I run out of water? What happens if I see a bear? What happens if I get hurt? Can I walk fast enough? Can I really do this? Over and over while trying to sleep.

Spoiler alert: everything went well.

I still get those waves of nerves when I think about the fact that I will be starting CDT in less than 2 weeks. At this point, I can drown out the “what ifs” and doubts because I know I’m about to do one of my favorite things. I know I’m about to meet some of the coolest people on the planet. I know I’ll have fun in the woods for months. Thinking about those things makes me wonder why I was nervous at first.

That doesn’t mean I don’t worry about anything anymore. However, I have found it much easier to calm those nerves when I think about the positives. I still worry about long hauls of food and water, grizzly bears, and storms above the tree line. I also know that others have walked this path before me and will walk it after me as well. So why not me?

Next time you hear from me on this blog, I’ll keep an eye out. I can’t wait to see what the CDT has in store for me.

Ready to go!

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