Always get the biggest pizza
«The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions.»
—Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.
YesAre you telling me that if we buy twenty-six-inch pizza instead of twenty-one-inch pizza, we’ll get 75% more pizza for an extra six dollars?
Ten percent nodded and made his little smile. «Simple math. Relationship between circumference and surface area. Didn’t you know?»
I raised my hands in innocence. «Maybe it’s simple to you, Captain Engineer, but I didn’t just graduate with an engineering degree. All those useless formulas are still fresh in your mind.»
«Useless? We’re literally deciding our order with him.»
«Fair enough. Thank goodness for big brains.» I took a sip of my beer. «Anyway, we know we’re going to order the large pizzas, but two or one?»
«Definitely two,» Ice Cream said. «You’ll probably eat most of one. How about you Ten? Do you eat a lot?»
Ten Percent agreed. «Oh, yes. Always hungry.»
The waitress came with more drinks, took the order, bing bang boom. PIZZA. Ten percent weren’t lying about being hungry; He piled half of one of the pizzas on his plate the moment the pizza elevator arrived.
«Curse!» I said, “Eating like a growth…” I took a swig of beer and wiped my mouth, “weed,” I finished.
«Eat like a growing weed?» Ice Cream said.
I shrugged. «Hey, I’m high, okay? I already have weeds in my mind. Mixing up my words.»
«Glass houses sink ships,» Ten Percent added.
I raised my beer to make a clink, Ten Percent greeted her with her own beer, Ice Cream with her glass of Coke. «To glass houses, sunken ships and hiker trash.»
***
The Grand Lake Community Center was next. Grand Lake, CO leans by a wide margin for hikers. Like many cute little places in Colorado, it’s a tourist town with a lot of money floating around. It’s the kind of place John Denver would have been inspired to move to and then write a song about how all the new moves are ruining the place. Boomer Mountain Highhhhh, in Coloraaaado! The town has many delicious restaurants, clothing stores, grocery stores, and best of all for us, a community center that allows hikers to stay overnight for a small fee. Hikers are not allowed to sleep inside (we have to camp outside in the designated area), but during opening hours there is a large room with tables, sink, refrigerator and box for hikers. And, wonderfully, the community center has a small fleet of loaner bikes that day trippers can use to get around town. ring ring The bicycle bell rings.
When the three of us entered, I headed straight to the hikers’ box. There was a herd there. A worn black Hyperlite with the suspenders removed and the hipbelt half torn off. I dangled it in front of me and pulled it and played it.
«Are you thinking about taking it?» Ice Cream asked.
«Yeah. You know, I’ve given this Aarn a good chance, over a thousand miles, but I’m a little sick of it. If I can fix this hip belt, I’m going to try this one.»
«Do you think you can trust that one? It seems a little broken. Maybe send yours in advance and test it first?»
«Great idea, I’ll do it.»
Ten percent was checking some leftover pizza in the refrigerator. «Are you guys staying here tonight?»
“Sure,” Ice Cream said. «You?»
She seemed unsure. «I’d like to do more miles.»
«Fuck the miles, man. Enjoy the city.»
«Yeah, a break never hurts, I guess.»
«Yeah!»
Another hiker appeared. Short, graying hair and beard, Japanese from the look of the writing on his things. Hiragana? Katakana? I didn’t remember what it was called, but I knew what it was like.
«Sup mate,» I said.
«Hello! Can we stay here?»
«Yes, but we can’t sleep inside. We have to go out after ten, eleven or something.» Ice Cream pointed out the window. «We can put our tents there.»
The hiker nodded and introduced himself. «I’m Rod Taco.»
“Amazing name,” I said. “Mr Taco, I’m Zen, that’s Ice Cream” she greeted, “and that’s ten percent.” He also greeted. Then we went back to doing our thing. Lord Taco dropped to the ground and started with a pack explosion. Ice Cream and I began plugging in our electronic devices and preparing to resupply.
Ten Percent laid out his sleeping mat and, once on it, said, «Do you think I could get away with sleeping here?»
My head shook, but I said, «We all break the rules in our own way. It’s up to you to try what you want.»
***
Tasks completed, damaged Hyperlite repaired, tent set up, Ice Cream and I settled into our tent for the night. Lord Taco was in his tiny bivy bag on the other side of the parking lot. We chatted a little before going to bed. Lord Taco was quite the hiker, with some big trails under his belt, and worked as a trail maintainer for a long time in Japan. He gave us stickers and invited us to walk. We said we’d love to and took his Insta in case we ever did it.
Inside the community center, Ten Percent slept through the night. The lights were off, everything was silent.
***
The next morning we prepared to leave. Not quickly, but at some point that day. I sent my Aarn backpack to Silverthorne in case the Hyperlite failed me, we had breakfast and, while walking around the city, we found Ten Percent again. “How was it sleeping inside?” Ice Cream asked.
The smile again. «I ended up in the dugout at the baseball field. A guy on patrol found me around one in the morning and kicked me out. I was so tired I left without my tent, so I went to the dugout.»
«I never slept in a shelter,» I said. «How was it?»
«They’re pretty cute. I’ve slept with them a few times. Hey, have you heard from Frito?»
Ice Cream held up his phone. «He texted me, said he’ll be in town soon, but don’t expect it. He wants to stop by the Rocky Mountain National Park section.»
«There’s a lot of snow up there,» I pointed out. «We saw him come into town.»
«It’ll be fine,» Ice Cream said. «Ten, are you leaving today too? We’ll be leaving later this afternoon. You’re welcome to come.»
«Thanks, but I really feel like I need to put in the miles. I want to get back on the road soon.»
“Fair enough,” I said. «Well, if this is the last time we see you, best wishes and happy travels. If not, we hope to see you again.»
“Same, same.”
***
Ice Cream and I toured the city more, ate more, visited the vendors and hiker boxes we hadn’t yet perused, and then finally headed out. It takes a lot of resupply, but otherwise it feels pretty good. We walked into the darkness, passing some bear hunters with bows as we went. One had seen a black bear just ahead, but thought we wouldn’t see it. He got scared and ran away. While having a snack near a lake, Lord Taco arrived and, after a few friendly words, pitched his bivouac near a sign that read, «Beware! Bears in this area have been known to attack campsites.»
We all break the rules in our own way. But anyway the sign didn’t exactly say that you couldn’t camp. We left Lord Taco with his bears and headed deeper into the dusk.
Unless I am given express permission to use them, all names and path names in my articles have been changed. Any resemblance to real people is a coincidence. If you like my writing, feel free to subscribe or buy me a coffee using the Suggest the Author button below.
