Facing my fears on the Colorado Trail this summer

When I think about where I will be in a couple of days, I see beautiful views of the mountains, I feel a cool breeze, I hear the birds chirping and the trees rustling, I smell all the smells of nature (including me, let’s be honest). It is this wonderful vision of myself, fully able to quiet my mind, be mindful, and enjoy a simpler life.

I wish that was all, but no, I experience anxiety like most human beings. I have fears. In fact, I have a whole list of fears. Some I have experienced before and now I feel better prepared to face them. Others, however, carry risks inherent to being in the field for extended periods and, to some extent, “out of my hands.”

Injury

Accepting my physical limitations is not really in my vocabulary. I talked at length about my clubfoot in a previous post. It’s something I was born with and it’s been a struggle ever since. Not only does it make walking much more difficult, but it also makes me more prone to injury.

I’m still learning to listen to my body. Well, actually I hear it loud and clear. I am often too stubborn to act on it. Just a little more. Just one more day. Just keep going. Let’s just say determination and drive have never been my problem.

I train a lot. I keep my body strong. That is important for every human being, but even more so if they already have “weak points.” I consult with doctors and physiotherapists. I wear a brace, a compression sleeve, tape, etc., etc. All of this may help, but it is no guarantee.

Wildlife Encounters

Snakes. Bears. Mountain lions. Moose. I’m sure there are other things that could kill me.

snakes

I passed my first rattlesnake at mile 3 of the PCT. I almost stepped on one right after Julian, about 80 miles into the trail. I felt like I was looking death in the eyes. The rattle makes you jump. But the fact that they don’t always The rattling scares me even more. If you surprise them, you may not be so lucky.

It’s yet another reason why I love hiking with trekking poles. I place them in front of me and hope the vibrations alert the snakes before I accidentally step on them. It’s also the main reason I would NEVER use both of my AirPods while hiking (yes, I’ll take them everywhere but I’ll only use them if In fact need distraction). I ALWAYS want to be aware of my surroundings.

bears

Bears make me uncomfortable. I got close to a black bear on the PCT while hiking in the Sierras. It was right in the path, maybe 60 feet in front of me. My friend and I screamed and the bear took off running (extremely fast, I might add). That was good. I was a little shocked at the time but recovered quickly.

But then I came to Oregon. I was hiking and camping alone. My injury slowed me down significantly and I couldn’t keep up with other hikers. It didn’t bother me too much though, I was kind of excited to experience solitude for a couple of days. One night when I was camping alone, I woke up around 1:30 am and had a really bad feeling. I heard deep breathing near my head. As confidently as I could muster, I began to say out loud, “Go away, bear!” He ran away. I heard branches break and I could feel It was something heavy that escaped from me. I stayed wide awake after that. About an hour later, he returned. Again I didn’t see it but when I screamed I heard and felt again that it was a large animal. Now I can’t be 100% sure it was a bear because I actually didn’t. see but that’s what I think it was and that’s why I now fear something similar will happen again.

I made some serious mistakes back then and I learned my lesson. This time I will be better prepared. I would have liked an Ursack because it saves weight, but I’m doing this tour on a budget so I’ll have to work with what I have. That’s why I’ll be carrying a bear canister on this trail. I’ll be sure to put every wrapper and anything scented in the bear can. I will not eat in or near my tent. I will place the bear canister at least 100 feet away from me in a safe location. There are a few more tactics that I will follow, also during the hike, but these are the main ones to avoid another night visit.

The funny thing is that I still really want to see a bear. Only from a distance. Like a serious distance. And only during the day.

Lightning

Another bad experience during a via ferrata in the Italian Dolomites a few years ago. Bad weather moves so quickly in the mountains that before you know it, you find yourself caught in a storm.

The main tip is to get to a lower elevation as quickly as possible. What if the trail is exposed and above the tree line for miles and miles? What if there are no side trails and you’re stuck right in the middle? There doesn’t seem to be a great answer.

I will do my best to avoid it completely. Hike early and be sure to cross the mountain passes before possible afternoon storms pass through. I’ll also request the weather forecast through my Garmin inReach when I see a cloud on the horizon. In my experience, it’s not the most accurate, but it’s better than nothing!

Forest fires

Lightning isn’t just scary in the moment. It is also one of the main causes of forest fires. Especially since the weather is exceptionally dry in Colorado this year, the state is already on fire. It’s hard to put into words how sad this really is. For communities, nature, wildlife…

When you’re in the middle of a remote stretch of trail with no cell service, this can be scary because

1) You don’t know what’s happening. You cannot follow the news and the evolution of nearby fires.

2) Wildfires can spread incredibly quickly, especially with strong winds. It is not possible to avoid a nearby forest fire.

3) Wildfires can start basically anywhere and at any time. You could perfectly go to sleep and wake up smoking if a tree catches fire after being struck by lightning.

4) The smoke travels far and not only affects the views. It will make breathing harder, can cause headaches, sore throat, and is just not healthy.

There’s a good chance I’ll have to skip a few miles to avoid the fires. So be it. I do not want to take unnecessary risks or put additional pressure on emergency services or monitoring angels in the area. Local communities are already dealing with enough.

The Watch Duty app is useful for tracking wildfires, but it can only be downloaded if your App Store is set to the US (at least on iPhone). I will be able to check your website whenever I am in town to inform myself of my plans.

Altitude

The last one is the one I’ll find first. Altitude is no joke on the Colorado Trail, as most of it is above 10,000 feet. For someone born and raised below sea level, that is, to say the least, a challenge.

I also know that I am susceptible to altitude sickness. Two years ago, on the PCT, I reached the summit of Mount Whitney, the highest point in the contiguous United States. I made it, but it was a serious struggle.

The smart thing to do would be to take a couple of days to acclimatize in Denver and do some high altitude hiking in the area. Unfortunately, I don’t have the luxury of time (or budget).

My plan is to acclimatize on the trail. Take it easy the first few days. Hydration, electrolytes and carbohydrates will also help. I was prescribed medications, both preventative and to relieve symptoms. Although if it comes to that, I’ll take a break in Bailey, about 40 miles inland.

Be afraid, do it anyway

There is a reason why we feel afraid. It is there to protect you. I’m all for avoiding unnecessary risks, take precautions, be prepared and understand your own skill level.

But sometimes fear can be debilitating and keep us from amazing, life-changing experiences. Even though I feel all these fears, I refuse to let them take over my life and stop adventuring. Stop doing what I love most in the world.

I’m sure there are many people with their own ideas on these topics. These are some of my fears and some of me personal thoughts on how to deal with them. In other words, this is not exhaustive and please don’t come to me 🙂