Chapter 21: In which you give your two weeks’ notice.

What I’m doing is not sustainable. I need a plan.

Right now I’m wandering and wondering. I have emotions that I don’t understand and that I can’t seem to decipher no matter how much space and attention I give them. Maybe that’s what I’m doing wrong. Maybe I’m giving too much space and attention to negative emotions. I need a plan to get me out of this headspace.

asking for help

Linn, a friend from my country, is one of my biggest supporters in this adventure and a force to be reckoned with. This woman is one of the most intelligent, thoughtful, and sensible people I know. I have a lot of respect for her and I am very lucky to have her as a friend. She is the right person to call and I arrive at the shelter early enough to find her before bed.

«Hello!» She responds happily as she picks up the phone.

“Hey,” I respond, unable to match his tone.

«What’s happening?» She asks, her tone now matching mine.

She knows this is an important call and is making it safe for me to share. And so I do it. I talk to him about how much I’m struggling and how I don’t think I want to be on the road anymore.

«Because?» She asks.

«I don’t know, and that’s a big part of the problem!» I exclaimed.

She lets me continue telling all my problems. And in it she goes out of her way to give me perspective. To get me out of the state of mind I’m in. Among all the things he tells me, one thing really sticks:

«You know, I’m really jealous of what you’re doing. I wish I could do something like that. And, if I wasn’t trying to find a nice way to help you right now, I would’ve been tempted to tell you to suck it up and keep walking.»

For some magical reason, that helped. I’ve never really liked being told what to do. And even less so when what they tell me is “suck it up.” But Linn, she’s something else. I trust her deeply. And I know she has my best interest in mind. She can tell me to hold on if she wants. And when she does, I will listen to her. And so I do it.

And then follows up with: «Also, you don’t really have to ask yourself if you want to be on the path or not. You made that decision many months ago. It’s as simple as that… There’s no need to question it.»

My two weeks notice

After my talk with Linn I make a resolution. I’m done letting the emotions I have here and now dictate the decisions I make about the AT. I have dreamed about the AT for 5 years. A few days of desperation will not be the deciding factor. Still, I need to listen to my own body and mind, and respect their needs.

To find balance, I make a resolution: I officially hand in my two weeks’ notice.

That doesn’t mean I’ll give up the trail in two weeks, although I might. What it does mean, however, is that I’m not allowed to make a decision about whether to stay or go until I’ve spent two more weeks on the road. My theory is that anyone can handle almost anything for two weeks. And two weeks will give my body and mind enough time to regulate and determine if this is just a phase or if I’m really unhappy along the way.

the rules

My rules are:

• For the next two weeks I will continue on the AT
• I am not allowed to make any decisions before the end of the two weeks, regardless of whether the decision is to stay or leave. No decisions.
• I will try to avoid thinking about the decision at all or debating it with myself. I will spend the two weeks as if this were life and there were no alternatives.
• During it, I must continue walking. I’m allowed to adjust the mileage and be a little kinder to myself. But I must keep walking.
• I’m allowed to enjoy luxuries like an extra night in a hostel to slackpack, or some fancier food (maybe swap some of those knorr-sides for tastier backpacker meals)
• I’ll eat Snickers (my absolute favorite). Every.day.

here is hope

I feel good about this decision. This way I don’t do anything hasty. And maybe when you see and do all the wonderful things ahead, you can enjoy them a little more. Especially since I’m aware that these might be the last things I’ll experience on the AT.

Plus, I think it’s good for my friendship with Swift. Now she has to tiptoe around me, at least that’s my impression. Trying to help me, but at the same time being afraid to give up at any moment. This way I can give it some predictability and stability. And that seems like the most decent thing you can do to a friend.

I really hope this changes things for me. I really want to get my love for the trail back. And, when met with patience and kindness, and a good dose of perseverance, maybe I will finally win the battle with my mind. And if not, at least I’ll be able to say I gave it proper time and consideration. That I didn’t get on a plane in the middle of an avalanche of rushed emotions.

Yes, it seems like a good way to do it. I’m officially handing in my two weeks’ notice.

This website contains affiliate links, which means The Trek may receive a percentage of any products or services you purchase using links in articles or advertisements. The buyer pays the same price they would otherwise pay, and their purchase helps support The Trek’s ongoing goal of bringing you quality backpacking information and advice. Thank you for your support!

For more information, visit the About page of this site.