Day 50: Down in my tent

Well, I’ve been on the Pacific Crest Trail for over 60 days and what an adventure it has been! Highs, lows, lows and much more in between. I am very grateful for all of this.

When a problem occurs, I simply remind myself, «I have to be here. I get angry about this while campaigning in the PCT.» And it puts everything in perspective. I’m here living my dream. I expected it to be amazing, but also extremely hard at times. I have experienced heavy rain, strong winds, freezing cold, scorching heat, brutal pain, falls, cuts and more. But even the “bad” days are opportunities and blessings. And for all my days, I am so grateful.

Day 50 was a particularly challenging day. My first real emotional breakdown on the road.

I woke up as usual at first light and started boiling water from my tent. I like to start the morning with coffee for me and my best hiking friend, Cleo. Well, the water was boiled. I turned off my stove. I slowly climbed out of my sleeping bag and tent to bring Cleo coffee, but I accidentally dragged the edge of my sleeping bag with me. Two steps later I knew something was wrong. I looked back and dragged my sleeping bag over to the still warm stove.

I ran to get it out of the fire. But it was too late. The damage was already done. My stove burned my sleeping bag, singeing holes through the fabric. Feathers were flying everywhere. It even smelled like fire and burning plastic.

I sat in my tent and cried. How could I be so stupid!? Did that really just happen? Two days in the Sierra and I have already exhausted my sleeping bag and heating capabilities. Let’s say bad words were used.

I cried. And damn. And he cried some more. Then I took a deep breath, composed myself, and moved on. I got out my kit tape and duct tape and went to town to repair the charred holes. In retrospect, I can laugh about it. The amount of feathers that sprouted in my tent looked like I had just plucked two chickens. It was both devastating and ridiculous. I was really «down in my tent.»

While repairing my sleeping bag, I discovered holes in the mesh of my tent. I have no idea how or when they got there. And the day before I also lost my rubber protector for the ice axe. Also, two days earlier, someone at Grumpys in Kennedy Meadows South destroyed one of my hiking poles. (Long story). So I was already frustrated by all of that.

It was one thing after another. And I broke. “The mercury must be in Gatorade,” I thought.

That day I walked alone. I allowed myself to get angry, frustrated, angry, and cry. And honestly, as I expected, the trail was my therapist, running through my therapy. Beautiful views, adrenaline-filled climbs, streams, rays of sunshine on my face, and natural life around me calmed me down. My sleeping bag is sorted and I’m still on the Pacific Crest Trail. The birds are still singing, the water is still flowing, I am still breathing (what beautiful mountain air!) and my feet are still walking north. Have the last few days been annoying and set me back? Yes. Did I expect bad days? Also yes. Can I have these bad days while hiking 2,650 miles from Mexico to Canada on the Pacific Crest Trail? EFF YES!!!

So yeah, day 50 was a really tough day for me. And it won’t be the last. but me get to do this. Yo get experience life on the PCT: the peaks AND the valleys. It’s all part of the adventure. And I am very grateful for the day to day life here. Even the ones where I burn my sleeping bag.

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